∆. The Gift of Defeat

In my life… I have encountered many trials.

I have cried a thousand tears.
Battled demons
Slayed dragons
Died deaths
and I have been born again.

I have always been called to a path of spirit and I have welcomed every
challenge as a necessary step towards self-realization.

I have been knocked down again and again…
and have always managed to rise up.

I am a fucking warrior. I know this.

But there was one circumstance where I found myself defeated:

My first trip to India.

Granted,  there were unfavorable conditions beyond my control that contributed to the intensity of the experience…

But that place shut me down.
It broke my spirit.
I was crushed, weak, and unable to maintain my center.
I could not find the joy or the light.

I left that place swearing that I would never return.

But In the midst of all the turmoil…  a fire had been lit and I came home with a new found determination.

I made a commitment to dig as deep as was necessary in order to remove all of the darkness and fear from within myself once and for all.

Every other aspiration of mine was set aside because nothing in the material world mattered more to me than finding the truth and really healing myself.

Looking back.. I recognize India as one of my greatest teachers…

Not with scriptures, holy men, temples, rituals, or even yoga…

But by simply reflecting back things about myself that I literally could not swallow.

By showing me the darkness that I was still in denial of.

Today… I am flying back to India.

There are “business” reasons for the return, but If I am honest…
I know that I am being pulled back by something greater than myself.

I have unfinished business.

As I write this, I am a whirlwind of conflicting emotions.

So much has changed in my life and I am definitely not the same woman I was 6 years ago…

And I am wondering… am I fucking crazy to go back?!?

They call her Ma India.
Now… I understand why.
I know its important for me to go and face her.
To look her in the eye and say Thank You.
To embrace her in my arms and say I Love You. ❤